April 30, 2025. I officially logged out of my ex-company's HR software, social media, and work group chats. As always, I had no idea what I was doing. But I had one goal: find a better job that would give me better purpose.

I had about ₦400,000 in emergency savings, a freelance gig, stocked-up skincare, a few events I had paid tickets to attend, a tank of hope, and an overly active libido.

Every single person I told I was going to quit my 9-5 preached against it, mostly because of financial security. I knew, and I didn't listen.

Everyone cared about financial security as the biggest problem with quitting a full-time job without a new one. But did you know that joblessness comes with an inability to get a lubricated vagina?

I'll tell you.

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Money finished. It was supposed to. The freelance contract ended. I attended the events. But my sex drive never left me (yet).

One day while lying on the floor in my bedroom during a phone call, on a sunny afternoon in June 2025, I had a crazy idea to start a home care service agency. With my sex drive intact, I worked with maximum speed towards that business, juggling it with job hunting, content creation, personal life, and just existing as a woman; which can be a lot sometimes.

Months passed and life started to f*ck me up. I went to NYSC camp, which made my life feel more miserable for many reasons. I hated it there and I never want to do it again. The entire environment reminded me of why I wanted to be free, never locked up in a space controlled by a system that never benefits you.

Funny thing is, people in camp, especially the men, tried to get close to me, but I found them irritating. And it wasn't just because I don't understand the dynamics of NYSC love, it was also because I could feel my sex drive slipping away, day by day, since August 1st, when I got one of the worst job rejections of my life.

I came home depressed, bringing my sex drive down even more.

While trying to build a completely new business in a completely new industry—nothing related to what I'd done in the last four years, it was draining. I was trying to stay focused and show up, and I did, but I did it so hard. This is why, when you watch my videos from October–December 2025, I was like a shadow of myself.

December 2025, I struggled to stay productive. And as a workaholic who strongly dislikes idleness, I started feeling guilty about my lack of productivity; and this was when my body started shutting down.

I couldn't create, appreciate, feel, or love. And I couldn't have sex. No, it's not a metaphor.

I would spend all day analysing, crying, cussing, wishing, and trying to make sense of my life, and I couldn't even remember what desire felt like.

Why? Because it was December 2025, weeks to a new year, and I was entering that new year with no answers to my prayers, labor, or hardship.

20th January 2026, I had hope again. I had just spent the week at Oge's house feeling loved and hopeful that maybe life isn't truly about accomplishments. But that doesn't exactly make complete sense when you don't have the money you need for basic things.

February 2026 was the worst month of my life in 18 months. I prayed desperately to die—not because of the joblessness, but because I had lost it completely. Mentally.

It was like I was in a room of white spaces with no noise, no sounds, no corners. Every corner or turn I took led to the same white space, the same emptiness. I woke up to the same routine every day:

• House chores
• Eat
• Create content
• Go to church to sing when I could
• Cry, cuss, desire for the pain to end

I lost my soul.

I lost Gift — the vibrant, energetic, magnetic, highly intelligent, and highly spirited self. I lost her. I couldn't find her, and the fact that I couldn't made me want to die.

Even though I'm much better now, I never want to lose myself again. That's what it feels like to be the walking dead.

But why and how is my sex drive connected to all of this?

I am a sexually liberated woman. If I can't feel, I can't appreciate, I can't create, I can't love.

"So you're a sex addict?" — No, it's deeper than that.

As someone who is sexually attracted to herself and adores herself, it breaks me down like crazy when I can't do the things that make me feel better. It's just harder that way.

The best part of losing my sex drive

The best part of having no libido in that phase was the desire to get it back.

As crazy as life was in those months, I never stopped working hard to get better. In those months, I still paid for courses and started my transition into growth marketing, launched my new business, hired and paid staff, created content, and had job interviews.

25th February 2026, I stared at myself in the mirror and was deeply heartbroken by how I looked. I couldn't see myself in my eyes, and it broke me.

I made a promise to myself to never let anyone or anything disconnect me from myself again.

I took out my old braids, did my nails, and wrote some letters to myself. Picked my shit up to move forward.

If you don't want to lose your sex drive and soul:

1. You can't control the outcome of your actions — never. As disappointing as it sounds, your best work isn't guaranteed to win. That's just life's design. This is why we are encouraged to keep going every day to win someday.

2. Find joy in the no-cost things — it will help with your sanity. Singing in the choir is one of my favourite things birthed by my job-hunting phase. I had no idea I could pitch a soprano voice until I started singing in the Catholic choir. It makes me so happy. Now I wish to improve further, I'm talking Maria Callas, opera classicals.

3. Experiment with your life. This is my favourite part of this phase and one of the reasons I'm happy I passed through all this hardship. It forced me to try new things. If I had had that financial stability and basic life, I wouldn't have explored another side of entrepreneurship in a traditional field. This business has made me 10x better than I've ever been. I also started another new business, a souvenir and event planning business for intimate events. I don't see why they'd fail, but if they do, I'll always try again.

Next time life sucks all your sexual energy, soul, or sense of self, remember that you're a bigger sucker.

To being optimistic,

Gigii